A Knight, Maid, Sylph, and Heir
by TechnicalTragedy
Summary: Homestuck, but with OC s. Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie, as do a few of the lines I use. He is truly brilliant. Rated T for... Homestuck-ness. I try not to use foul language.
1. Chapter 1

_**So, before we start on this magical journey, you should know something.**_

_**Because of the 'No Second-Person' rule, I cannot put this in true Homestuck format.**_

_**So, you`ll have to bear with me.**_

_**Now, I present you with... HOMESTUCK.**_

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 31st of May, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

**Vile Poofart**

No, that will not be his name.

Try again.

**Tiberius Thompson**

Good!

His name is TIBERIUS. As was so kindly mentioned before, today is his BIRTHDAY. A number of EMPTY POP-TART BOXES are scattered about his room. He has a variety of INTERESTS, many of which other people consider very stupid. He has a passion for SUPERHERO MOVIES. He likes to play video games, and is QUITE GOOD AT THEM. He has a fondness for FAIRY-TALES, and is an aspiring ACTOR.

What will he do?

**Retrieve arms from closet.**

What the hell?

He already has arms, idiot.

And why would he keep them in the closet?

That`s just silly.

If anything, he`d keep them in some sort of MAGIC CHEST, but, sadly, he has arms and no magic chest.

**Open normal chest.**

Finally, something this boy can do!

He opens the chest.

**Examine contents of chest.**

The chest is full of POP-TARTS.

Oh, heavens, he`d better not look at those, lest he- Oh, sugar.

Look at what you`ve done. Tiberius is now eating all of his POP-TARTS.

You know what? No more of this.

You aren`t fit to guide this boy, so I will take over from here.

_**WILD SWITCH TO FIRST-PERSON TO BETTER GUIDE TIBERIUS!**_

I am now Tiberius.

I look around my room, and catch sight of something on my dresser.

Curious, I decide to see what it is, and pick up the card that lays next to it.

_**HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON.**_

_**YOU ARE A DISGRACE, BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANYWAYS.**_

I pick up what is surely a ROLLED-UP POSTER, and decide to hang it up.

I will first need some way to hang it up, though.

A HAMMER AND NAILS sure would come in handy here, but, alas, I don`t have those, either, just this HANDY STAPLEGUN.

I CAPTCHALOGUE both items, and promptly hang the POSTER on the wall.

It is absolutely glorious. He must`ve actually listened the last time I spoke to him.

I run my hands over the beautiful AVENGERS POSTER, and sigh deeply.

While I`m at it, I should probably pay a bit of attention to my other amazing POSTERS.

I ogle my SUPERMAN POSTER, stare longingly at my DARK KNIGHT POSTER, and finally meticulously study my SPIDERMAN POSTER.

But, before I have time for more SUPERHERO GOODNESS, someone begins to pester me!

I sit at my COMPUTER. I spend most of my time situated right here, which says something about how interesting my life is.

The PESTERCHUM application is flashing like crazy, telling me someone wants to talk.

Only one of my CHUMS are online. She`s messaged me, it seems.

**- - frigidlyAuthorial [FA] began pestering kaleidoscopicNightmare [KN] - -**

**FA: Tiberius!**

** FA: Today is your birthday, is it not?!**

** KN: c=|====- ...yeah, I gnezz zo.**

** KN: c=|====- ...bnt it`z uot that zpecial.**

** FA: GASP!**

** FA: How can you SAY THAT, Ti?!**

** KN: c=|====- ...becanze it`z trne.**

** FA: No.**

** FA: I refuse to let you spread your birthday-hating ways, you... you PARTY POOPER.**

** FA: So, if this is how you`re going to act, then I shouldn`t have even contacted you.**

** KN: c=|====- ...millom, cowe ou.**

** KN: c=|====- ... I`w zorry.**

** FA: SORRY DOESN`T CUT IT! YOU DON`T MEAN IT! WE BOTH KNOW IT!**

** KN: c=|====- ... I do weau it, mill.**

** KN: c=|====- ...I`w zorry for iuznltiug birthdayz, I kuom hom wuch yon love thew.**

** FA: Well... I suppose I can forgive you, seeing as how you`re my best friend.**

** FA: Has the beta reached you, by the way?**

** KN: c=|====- ...uo.**

** FA: Hm. Well, it`ll get there soon enough!**

** FA: Oh, got to go! Talk to you later! :3**

** KN: c=|====- ...nutil theu.**

** - - frigidlyAuthorial [FA] ceased pestering kaleidoscopicNightmare [KN] - -**

I look outside for what must be the hundredth time today, and see that the little red flag-arm-thing is up!

That MUST mean it`s here!

Oh no. My DAD just pulled in.

Well, screw going down there to get my stuff. I can wait.

I`m so excited for the beta! I have its launch date on your calendar, even though it was supposed to arrive a few days ago.

But it has to be here now, right?

If it`s not, then that`ll be really depressing.

Oh, look. Willow is pestering me again.

She tells of some sort of STRIFE SPECIBUS?

I dig through my closet, coming up with a broom.

Willow says to look at the back of my STRIFE SPECIBUS for the KIND ABSTRATUS I have in mind.

I select the correct one, and find that my STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the BROOMKIND ABSTRATUS.

I head downstairs to find my beta, not really caring anymore if my DAD sees me.

I don`t even bother with my DISGUISE I have prepared.

When I get to the living room, I see a huge box.

Giddy, I open it.

Inside is a lifetime supply of Pop-Tarts.

My eyes widen, and my breath is caught in my throat.

This is... glorious.

I take my Pop-Tarts and ABSCOND to my room.

Once there, I see another CHUM is pestering me.

Curious, I see who it is.

**- - revolvingdoorsEscalator [RE] began pestering kaleidoscopicNightmare [KN] - -**

** RE: hai tibeeeeeeeeerius!**

** KN: c=|====- ...mhy hello there, Jawie.**

** RE: hehehe!**

** RE: bro, i herd you got the BETA!**

** KN: c=|====- ...I haveu`t checked wy wail yet, zo uo.**

** RE: your dad got it, didn`t he?**

** RE: TIBERIUS, RETRIEVE THE BETA.**

** RE: RETRIEVE IT NOW.**

** KN: c=|====- ...fiue.**

** - - kaleidoscopicNightmare [KN] ceased pestering revolvingdoorsEscalator [RE] - -**

I head downstairs again, and check my dad`s STUDY.

He isn`t in there, but I need nothing from there.

I go outside, and check the mailbox.

Nothing.

The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.

It is my thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from my life. The game presently eluding me is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman

Yes, I am certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.

I have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

_**So, of course that last part is directly from Homestuck, as was the first part.**_

_**Not meaning to plagiarize, just trying to show you guys how much better Hussie is than I am.**_

_**I am unworthy.**_

_**All credit to Andrew Hussie for those lines.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wow.**_

_**Just... wow.**_

I try to get a gander through the KITCHEN WINDOW, but I can't see a whole lot! It seems my DAD has been doing so much baking, the glass has steamed up.

God he is so weird.

But I can see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a GREEN PACKAGE, some BILLS, your DAD'S PDA, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB LOGO. Could it be?

Unfortunately, the window is locked.

I am forced to go inside.

I have no choice, and enter the kitchen.

He gives me this look, and I know.

There is only one way.

_STRIFE._

Our battle is long and arduous, but in the end I abscond with the GREEN PACKAGE, and his PDA, as well.

I sit in my room, and see that my other friend has pestered me.

** - - donutsareLife [DL] began pestering kaleidoscopicNightmare [KN] - -**

** DL: YO, BRO! c(^w^)3**

** KN: c=|====- ...hello dory. hom are yon today?**

** DL: I`M TOTES GREAT, BROSEPH! c(*o*)333**

** KN: c=|====- ...yon zeew amfully euergetic today.**

** DL: WELL, THAT`S PROBABLY BECAUSE TODAY WE`RE PLAYING THE GAME! :D**

** KN: c=|====- ...okay theu.**

** KN: c=|====- ...I have to go... zee yon iu the gawe, I gnezz?**

** DL: or perhaps even before that, bro. (0_0)**

** - - kaleidoscopicNightmare [KN] ceased pestering donutsareLife [DL] - -**

Conversations with Dory always overwhelm me.

The girl is just too much sometimes.

I decide to stop the nonsense, and to install the game already.

It finishes quickly, and says that 'Client has connected with host,' whatever that means.

I press the key it says to.

**[Enter]**

Some cool music plays, and some weird stuff happens in the background.

Then, the word 'SBURB' floats on my screen.

My room starts being rearranged, and I can only watch in dismay as Jamie takes my CHEST and hurls it out the window.

Jamie adds a bit to my room, then starts deploying machines.

First comes something called a 'TOTEM LATHE.'

Then an 'ALCHEMITER.'

Last, a 'CRUXTRUDER.'

Jamie tells me to hit it with something heavy.

When I can`t find and lift something with sufficient weight, he takes my couch and does it for me.

A weird, orange ball comes out of it.

Then I turn the valve, and get one CRUXITE DOWEL.

Jamie deploys a PRE-PUNCHED CARD, and I take it.

The weird, orange ball (Jamie tells me it`s called a KERNELSPRITE) starts wigging out, and he orders me to prototype it with something.

So, of course, I toss in a HIPPO PILLOW-PET.

Some weird stuff happens, and then there`s a floating hippo in front of me.

Okay, then...

Jamie now tells me to do a whole list of stuff.

I put the PRE-PUNCHED CARD into a slot on the TOTEM LATHE. Some pointy thing above it deploys more chisel-things.

I go downstairs and retrieve my CRUXITE DOWEL, then bring it up to the lathe and clamp it in.

I activate the machine, and gain a TOTEM.

Jamie messages me one last time, before disconnecting.

I find that I can`t leave my room.

Where the hell is Jamie?!

_**Short compared to last chapter, but here it is.**_


End file.
